so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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