Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
