I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
