I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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