I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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