i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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