so that wasnt chicken after all
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
