They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
