Come see our sink grown plant.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
