Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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