Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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