I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
