Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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