There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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