I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
