All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
