hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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