If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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