The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
