I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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