yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
