Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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