So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
