New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
