You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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