Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
