i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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