Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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