my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
