I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
