My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
