How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
