the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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