I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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