There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
