Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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