I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
