mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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