Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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