Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
