i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
