Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
