After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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