3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
