These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
