i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
