I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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