didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
