I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
