Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
