My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
