I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
