I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
